Let me take you back to my first year as a teacher. I was 22 years old, barely out of college, and assigned cafeteria duty for a long line of kindergartners at a Catholic school. The nuns were strict, their expectations clear: “Make sure they eat their vegetables.”
Armed with my instructions, I marched into the 70s-era cafeteria, determined to do my duty. These kindergartners were well-behaved, their teacher a veritable 4-star general of classroom discipline. My only experience up to that point had been with high schoolers, but how hard could it be?
I walked up and down the aisle, smiling and encouraging these little ones as they scarfed down their waxy green beans. Most complied with a little coaxing: “Try just one.”
But then I encountered him—the lone holdout at the end of the table.
I asked. I pleaded. I explained that green beans were good for him (a phrase I’d later learn never works on any kid). I reasoned, “Your teacher says you have to eat them.” And reluctantly, he did.
Before I could declare victory, up came the green beans—along with the rest of his lunch—right there on the cafeteria table. And as if on cue, one by one, every other kid at that table followed suit in a glorious domino effect of stomach-emptying chaos.
I swore that day I’d never force a kid to eat green beans again.
Apparently, I’d forgotten my lesson.
There I was, a mom now, trying to convince my 26-year-old daughter to “eat her green beans”—only this time, it wasn’t vegetables on the table. It was Christianity. I was trying to get her to follow the rules, to be a “good little girl,” to comply with what I thought was loving, godly instruction.
But unlike that kindergartner, she didn’t comply and throw up. She ran. Fast. Away from my well-meaning attempts to make her “do as she was told.”
She saw the love and wisdom of the Bible as restrictive and repulsive. She rejected it—and me—vomiting out everything the church and I had tried to feed her for years. What’s more, her rebellion influenced others at her table far more than my efforts to enforce the rules. What I intended as love felt like judgment, and she wanted nothing to do with it.
Cleaning up that kindergarten disaster took three adults about 30 minutes. Cleaning up the mess with my daughter? That took 14 years.
Fourteen long years of heartache and prayer, of smiles masking my tears, of conversations that went nowhere. I wasn’t always the patient mom I wanted to be, and I certainly wasn’t wise. I cried out to God so many times, pleading for Him to bring her back.
And here’s the truth: it wasn’t my prayers or conversations that won her over. It was God.
All glory goes to the Lord for wiping away her rebellion and drawing her back to Himself in His timing, by His power.
As a novice teacher, I swore I’d never force something on a kid again. But as a Christian mom, I forgot that lesson and tried to shame and bully my daughter into behaving a certain way.
What I’ve learned (and continue to learn) is this: nothing I say or do can bring about my desired outcome. Only God, working in His time and purpose, can call our wayward children to obedience.
That doesn’t mean we stop presenting the “green beans.” But how we present them matters. Studies say children need to be exposed to a new food 40-50 times in different ways before they’ll try it. The same is true of the gospel.
Keep presenting it—but do so in love, not condemnation. Romans 5:8 reminds us:
“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
He loves them. We should, too—not just our rebellious children, but everyone who resists what’s good for them.
Each of us faces our own “green beans” at one time or another—the truths we resist, the disciplines we don’t want to embrace. But when we finally taste them, we find that they’re good.
My prayer for you, for your loved ones, and for myself is this: “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalm 34:8)
Sometimes, the green beans of life turn out to be the sweetest thing we’ve ever tasted.
With love and green beans,
Candy
Then I have a course that was made just for you! My mom and I dive into our story and what God taught us through our journey. We provide practical suggestions on how to implement God's design for love in 1 Corinthians 13 so that your child knows you love them. Learn more here: https://therubytent.com/lovegodsway
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