Not Here to Be Nice: Why Women Are Hungry for Spiritual Meat

Somewhere along the way, many Christian women were handed a steady diet of spiritual snacks.

A verse here.

A cute quote there.

A little “you’ve got this, girl” with a side of feelings.

And to be clear—encouragement has its place. But encouragement without training leaves us fragile. It leaves us inspired… and still stuck.

That’s why Not Here to Be Nice has struck a nerve.

Because it doesn’t just comfort. It trains.

In a conversation I had with Dr. Heather Burchfield—author of Not Here to Be Nice, a verse-by-verse Ephesians Bible study—we talked about why so many women feel spiritually undertrained, why biblical literacy matters more than ever, and what changes when a woman finally moves from milk to meat.

And yes, we also talked about the very real spiritual battle known as “Why is my camera doing this?” (Sanctification comes with tech support sometimes.)

Here’s what I want you to take away.

“Not Here to Be Nice” Isn’t About Being Rude

Heather chose the title Not Here to Be Nice on purpose.

She’s pushing back against something many women have been trained to do—especially in church settings:

Shrink.

Stay quiet.

Keep the peace.

Don’t rock the boat.

But niceness and kindness are not the same thing.

• Niceness avoids hard truth to keep things comfortable.

• Kindness loves enough to step into the hard conversation for someone’s good.

Heather said it plainly: we’ve often forsaken the boldness of our calling in order to be “nice.” We let people stay in darkness because we don’t want to hurt feelings. We settle for peacekeeping instead of peacemaking.

And that’s not the example Scripture gives us.

God did not call women to be silent spectators in their own discipleship.

He called us to be rooted, trained, and strong.

Why So Many Women Feel Spiritually Stuck

This might be one of the most important parts of our whole conversation:

Women get stuck when they’re overwhelmed by voices.

Voices around us.

Voices about us.

Voices telling us what we can do, can’t do, should do, shouldn’t do.

And when we’re drowning in noise, it becomes harder to discern the voice of God.

Heather’s solution was simple—and it’s the same solution Scripture keeps giving:

Get into the Word.

Because you cannot recognize God’s voice if you don’t know God’s Word.

I shared an example that has helped me personally: you don’t wonder if the person on the phone is your husband—you know. Why? Because you know his voice. You know his patterns. You know what he would and wouldn’t say.

It’s the same with Jesus.

When we know Scripture, we know Him. And discernment becomes less mysterious and more familiar.

Devotional vs. Discipleship: The Difference Matters

Heather said something I wish every Christian woman understood:

A devotional can inspire you.

A discipleship study trains you.

Devotionals aren’t wrong. They’re just different.

A devotional often gives someone’s thoughts on a verse.

A discipleship study teaches you how to engage with the Word for yourself.

And that’s why Heather built Not Here to Be Nice as a training manual—not a five-minute “check the box” morning read.

She walks women through Ephesians word-by-word, and along the way teaches study methods that are transferable to any book of the Bible.

So by the time you finish, you’re not just “done with Ephesians.”

You’re equipped.

You have tools. You have vocabulary. You have confidence.

And that changes everything.

Why Ephesians?

Heather said it best: no book of the Bible occurs in a vacuum.

The Bible is one story—garden to garden.

Ephesians is dense, doctrinal, and deeply identity-shaping. It answers the questions women are asking (even if they don’t realize they’re asking them yet):

• Who am I in Christ?

• Why am I here?

• What does it mean to walk in purpose?

• How do I access the power of the Holy Spirit?

• How do I stand firm in spiritual warfare?

Heather also shared the heart behind why she began here: Ephesians was the book God used to pull her out of a deep, dark season and remind her of what was true—when her feelings were lying loud.

She said it plainly:

Ephesians saved my life.

And her prayer is that this study reaches “that one.”

The one who feels stuck.

The one who feels ashamed.

The one who knows Jesus but can’t seem to climb out of the hole.

“Milk to Meat” Isn’t a Vibe—It’s a Call to Grow Up

Heather described Ephesians as a “T-bone steak of doctrine and duty.” (Accurate.)

And she said something that made me laugh and nod at the same time:

We’re done riding around in spiritual car seats.

That’s what spiritual maturity is—moving from being spiritually entertained to being spiritually trained.

Not because God is harsh.

Because He is good.

He wants His daughters strong.

Heather explained spiritual maturity isn’t measured by:

• how long you’ve been a Christian

• how old you are

• how many times you attend church

• how much you serve

Spiritual maturity is measured by discipline—being intrinsically motivated to engage in spiritual practices that lead to growth:

• study of God’s Word

• deep prayer

• authentic worship

• learning to discern truth from error

• stepping into the role of a spiritual parent

It requires action. Not just time.

What You Need to Get Started

Heather answered a practical question that I love because it makes the on-ramp simple:

To start the study, she recommends:

• The book (it includes a QR code for the teaching videos)

• A NASB Bible (preferably inexpensive because you’ll write in it)

• Colored pencils (Crayola counts)

• A regular pencil (for Bible notes)

• Optional: highlighters, sticky notes, tabs

I smiled when she said this because I also have “the nice church Bible”… and “the study Bible that looks like a Crayola factory exploded.” (If you know, you know.)

What Changes When a Woman Finishes This Study

Heather described the “after” like this:

A woman who completes this study will know:

• who she is in Christ

• why she’s here

• how to access the power that lives in her

She’ll recognize the enemy’s attacks faster.

She’ll know how to armor up with the Word.

She’ll walk in purpose with boldness.

She’ll stop shrinking.

She’ll stand taller.

And—this part matters—she won’t just finish a study.

She’ll become the kind of woman who can open any of the 66 books and not be intimidated.

That’s discipleship.

That’s training.

That’s why women are hungry for meat.

If You’re Thinking, “This Sounds Like a Lot…”

Heather’s answer was one of my favorite lines of the entire conversation:

If you’re in Christ, you’re ready.

You have the Holy Spirit.

You have guidance through the book.

You have teaching videos.

You have community.

You don’t have to be “advanced” to start.

You just have to be willing.

Because the hunger isn’t going away until we eat.

And honestly? It’s time to eat.

Listen to our whole conversation here:

If you’re ready to move from milk to meat, Not Here to Be Nice is an Ephesians Bible study designed to train you—step-by-step—into deeper biblical literacy, stronger identity in Christ, and Spirit-filled boldness.

And if you don’t have a local group to do it with, there’s a community built for you to walk through it together. Join the NHTBN Network here.

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